Truth: In It's ILLEST Form..(Somtimes)

Sometimes I dont want to be here.

Sometimes I think of things I should'nt.

At times I just wanna escape to a different place where my existence never took place..

To most I live a life of joy and laughter.
TRUTHFULLY, its just a cover up..

I smile to bring forth other smiles.
?Sadly? But unselfishly I'd rather see another smile before myself.

Sometimes I feel abandoned.

The most important people seem to disappoint me the most.
While strangers constantly try to impair my happiness I seem not to budge nor notice..
But when a supposed to be"stationary" one steps one foot to the slightest amount out of position,
a bright light glares so hard it burns my eyes

Unable to understand reasoning, I cant help but to want to break down inside.

At times it seems like friends arent what they are labeled to be.
Deception and unloyal traits are starting to show.
True colors are slowly but surely making themselves vividly apparent.
Envy from the one's around me makes me question how we got this far in the 1st place..?

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like the one person who's job was to prepare me for things all of a sudden gave up..
Sometimes I feel like the one person who said they wanted to love me just decided to one day leave me.

Emptiness without a path to follow I STILL continue.

Seeking out a higher power in order to fulfill some calling that I feel buried deep inside of me I give up everything I have.
I give up trying to find an answer and just begin to deal with my problems the best I can.
Hoping that at the perfect time, a break-through will occur.

I've never in my life been suicidal
But just more less thoughtful about if my space I've taken up has been appreciated..
Do people truly care?
Or do they just pretend to?

Only time will tell...

Until then I can only live off a reality that tells me to keep pushing.

This is only the Truth..This is only my beginning...

Just One Night..

If I could ask you for anything,
It would be one night with you..

One night to give you everything you've EVER desired.

I'd Lay your body down and begin to memorize every molecule u possess,
Navigating with my tongue as my compass.

Then Slowly, I'd touch you in every place that I feel needs to be "especially" examined..

I could be your personal Doctor,
I'd whip up any potion and apply it to you to make you feel better..

I Can be your pesonal trainer and work your body until your dripping wet
Then go a little harder until you collapse..(ii hope you dont fire me for that))

Or I could be your Personal Diary,
OR You can just tell me things that you wouldnt tell a soul..
I wont be rude and judge you..
I'd Just listen...

On this One Night I could be your DopeBoy,
And give you all the extacy you need
I wanna get you higher than you've ever been before..
You can inject my love directly into your bloodstream causing you to quiver and shake uncontrollably
exposing you to combinations of the most beautiful sensations

Orgasmic rhythms are the only ones I tap my feet to.

Care To dance with me?

On this One Night I wanna take you everywhere you've never been

Destination 1: "Space"

We can bounce along the stardust
Drifting Slow..Or fast..It's all on you..
I wanna give you a "Cosmic Combustion"
So intense that you cant help but to see the *stars*..

I wanna take you to the highest point so you can remember me the next time (if any) where your capable of going..
Only with me can u visit this wonderous place..

In Just One Night...

I'd like to set you free from all your worries outside this room..
Everything that brings you away from happines
Everything that puts your smiles on hold

Everything that makes you happy....Can I Be?

Let me ask you a question..

Can I have THIS "One Night" For You & Me?

Mr.Know-It-All

1st off it goes like this.

I know things.

I know things that you may not even be aware of.

I know about things I havent learned about yet because I could probably figure it out if I ever encountered such subject/topic.

Sometimes (all the time) I feel like its almost impossible for me to be wrong.

How can I be WRONG if your Never right?

How would YOU know if you finally possessed the CORRECT answer for this/that specific question?

I base things off probabilty..

The probabilty of you debating with me and proving me WRONG is substancially LOW.
In all honesty you'd be better off trying to stop a freight train with your Head.

ii Know, iiKnow..
This guy'z one of those...

No.

because "THOSE" would'nt stand a chance in finding TRUTH over me.
Trust me I know where the TRUTH usually likes to hide..
So they'd look like "YALL".

I've been told that people can be wrong,
and this is true.
I COULD be, But so far I've been pretty satisfied with the outcomes of alot of arguments and debates.

Ok, i'll let you in a little secret.
I've only been DEADnWRONG about ONE thing....

.....


C'mon now do you think I'd actually Tell you what it iz though!?

Scars

I have these scars...

Though these scars dont appear on my outside pysical, they are there.
I can feel them.

I didnt get them from falling.
I didnt get them from fist-fights.
I didnt get them from any accident.

I got them from taking blows from a Love I once had.
Once upon a time I had a love that I beileved to be everlasting.
I truly believed that the person I valued so much and would do anything for would one day carry my name as hers.

I had a special kind of love.

At the time filled with laughter & overflowing with oppurtunity.

Then something changed.

Ultimately it was GOD's will for this change to occur.
But I didnt understand it.

S L O W L Y things started to crumble right infront of my eyes..
At first I was ignorant to the fact that what I was trying to build, was not meant to be built.
I was following A "Blue Print" towards the creation of something that was impossible to create.

& thats when I started to feel them...

I started to feel my body ache,
I started to feel cutz deep inside of me,
I started to feel ugly in the depths of myself.
I started to feel ashamed of my concealed appearance .

I felt like everyone was staring at me when I presented myself in public.
Feeling as if they were able to see my hideous scars that I tried my BEST to hide.

Faced with mixed emotions of ANGER, Bitterness, & FRUSTRATION I tried to live my life with my EGO leading the way,
Only to end up re-exposing my scars once I am ALONE.

Something had to give...

I listen to the wise one's and they tell me to lean on Christ because through him anythings possible,
But I cant help but to ask him did he not see what I had planned for HER?
Did he not see that the hand she possesses is the ONLY one I ever wanted?

Selfishness.

Who am I to raise such ?questions?

So I'm back to square one.

Searching and searching for "Band-Aids" but they keep falling off.
For a while I burn my wounds with ALCOHOL but when it wears off I regain feeling & still they are there.

I just need relief..

I just need confidence..

I now live a life based off my belief that "Prevention is BETTER than a CURE".
Not only have I learned of what more I can do,
But I've learned of the things I need NOT to.

And with that I begin my process.
I no longer feel my scars who'm I've become accustomed to living with,
nor do I feel uncomfortable with how I am perceived.

But most importantly I hold tight to "Never forget what is worth remebering, nor even remember what is BEST forgotten."

Finally, to you and whoever..

I Introduce you to ME.

Proud of what I've been through and the story these scars tell..
For I am ready for the FUTURE.