We greet each other with phoney smiles and bogus hugs.
In public we ask each others questions that we both know the answers to.
"How Are you"?
"How have things been going"?
We reply with meaningless answers that we could actually care LESS about..
Only We know the truth..
We hide our matching identities by talking breifly and covering up what we share inside.
Getting too comfortable would easily reveal our secret..
Too much of this to long will kill me.
When in a room full of people we every now and then glance towards the others direction hoping, wishing to catch a glimpse of each other,
Look at me looking at you..
We understand.
Without saying a thing.
Sometimes I question if we should keep ourselves hidden or release one another from this inprisonment of feelings..
If so the only way to do so is to let go..
A task I know i'm not capable of accomplishing...
Are you?
No one knows how I feel once you walk in the room
No one knows how only we can make each other smile without words
No one knows the tight hold we have on on another..
No one knows IF i've even touched you..
We are both in two different worlds which neither one of us can fit in comfortably.
Sometimes I'd like to create one with you and see what would really happen..
But right NOW that cant happen..
To simplify our relationship by labeling you us as "Just Friends" would be preposterous!
Yet We arent truly MORE...........
So I'll continue to sit here watchin you pass me from time to time.
Waiting for you to look back after u walk by.
KNOWING you will...
Always aknowledging what we have..
&& just as strongly what we DONT..
All of this leaving me with A MILLION lingering questions..
What can you call an US that isnt????
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Heaven.
This time around I would like u to take a trip back in time with me. Around the times of my adolescence. Its a typical Sunday morning and Im always the first one up in my house..There is no interaction going on around me. Everyone's sleep.Now to you this may not sound regular or typical but for me this is how I wake up on "The Lords Day". If I call anyone of my friends I guarantee there mom yelled up the stairs wishing for them to get up and get ready for church. But in my house this NEVER happend....
I've never came up with routine religious things to do or just attending church basically. That does NOT mean my mother didnt teach me to believe in GOD and to love him and understand that HE is the reason for everything around me. I know that through his mercy I/WE can live a life as we so often take for granted. The only thing different is that the little stories from the bible EVERYONE knows are not clear to me. I always had to hear things from my friends and I never let them know I didnt know..Id rather just listen. In my opinion the lack of going to church and being around people who could teach me all the things that probably couldve helped me when I didnt understand caused me to...question GOD. Many people would get offended if I told them that I actually have before but this is just TRUE. Is it so hard to understand why knowing my circumstances? Can one just "feel" and take that feeling into believing 100%? To this day I dont know. But one day I was up on a Sunday morning and something seemed to be telling me to get up and out. I started going to church on a regular basis after that. Everything was good until I gradually started to stop. I havent been in I dont know how long but my feelings on GOD have definitley changed since I was younger. I now never question his existence, but if u know me you rarely hear me speaking on him though. I can feel GOD's blessings all around me all the time. I never take anything for granted and I actually sometimes feel as if he is calling on me to do something for him. I dont tell many people this simply because it does "sound" good but I cant back it up because I never attend service and it would seem soo out of character i guess. I take the time to realize the things GOD does to affect my life. He gave me a bestfriend that has came up into a highly religious family and they tell me things and give me support and GOD's words whenever they feel I need it. He gave me a girlfriend that I would DIE for that has a beautiful mother that has but GOD's will and judgement into her children ultimatley resulting in 2 young minds that understand they live their lives for GOD and that he is all u need in this chaotic world that may pull you in if u let it..Her father is also a preacher so that is obviously another plus. He has surrounded me in general with people who praise and worship him and I feel as if he still has a plan for me.
To a person on the outside looking in, my life may seem as if it was great all the way through with no troubles, and when it comes to dramatic experiences I've hadnt had much. Though in my mind, as I grew into the man I am today I've had numerous battles to find myself. I've been called "different" too many times to recal in my life and I wonder why it seems like this to people? To me I am just another person trying to live my life..WITH GOD in my corner. And I Believe he's been there. Even when I doubted him. That is just a decimal of the LOVE he has for me (everyone).
People dont know but my number one wish isnt to become a rich person with soo much money i could do anything whenver I wanted...I dont want to have all of the material things..the one thing I want other than anything in & out of this world is to go to heaven. Even when I doubted GOD, as a child hearing of heaven sounded sooo good to me..I believe it sounds good to everyone but it always standed out to me. You know when u wish on something as a child the regular wishes of a 10 year old would be to fly or to get all the toys in the world. Things were slightly different for a kid like me. I wished to go to heaven. Now being the age I am I've matured and came to a conclusion that GOD's existence has been the number question among soo many because he seems to good to be true. Yet he created everymind that questions him, he created the atheist minds, the Satanic minds, AND the Christian minds. Still he loves us all. Believers and all. Heaven has been a place I've always wanted to go. I think about it to this day all the time. To Meet the man who created me. To Meet the man who created the people I love so dearly. My mother, my grandmother, my sister...He created all these people to influence me greatly in my lifetime and I am forever grateful. Think of something you feel as if you cant go without.....KNOW that without him you would've never even gotten close to feeling the pleasure and the love you feel when your around someone you adore. Family,friends, lovers, ect.In Heaven it seems as if all the good feelings, the love you have for people just is open and there every second for everyone.
Seems like a nice place to be...Ill try my hardest to reach my destination.
I've never came up with routine religious things to do or just attending church basically. That does NOT mean my mother didnt teach me to believe in GOD and to love him and understand that HE is the reason for everything around me. I know that through his mercy I/WE can live a life as we so often take for granted. The only thing different is that the little stories from the bible EVERYONE knows are not clear to me. I always had to hear things from my friends and I never let them know I didnt know..Id rather just listen. In my opinion the lack of going to church and being around people who could teach me all the things that probably couldve helped me when I didnt understand caused me to...question GOD. Many people would get offended if I told them that I actually have before but this is just TRUE. Is it so hard to understand why knowing my circumstances? Can one just "feel" and take that feeling into believing 100%? To this day I dont know. But one day I was up on a Sunday morning and something seemed to be telling me to get up and out. I started going to church on a regular basis after that. Everything was good until I gradually started to stop. I havent been in I dont know how long but my feelings on GOD have definitley changed since I was younger. I now never question his existence, but if u know me you rarely hear me speaking on him though. I can feel GOD's blessings all around me all the time. I never take anything for granted and I actually sometimes feel as if he is calling on me to do something for him. I dont tell many people this simply because it does "sound" good but I cant back it up because I never attend service and it would seem soo out of character i guess. I take the time to realize the things GOD does to affect my life. He gave me a bestfriend that has came up into a highly religious family and they tell me things and give me support and GOD's words whenever they feel I need it. He gave me a girlfriend that I would DIE for that has a beautiful mother that has but GOD's will and judgement into her children ultimatley resulting in 2 young minds that understand they live their lives for GOD and that he is all u need in this chaotic world that may pull you in if u let it..Her father is also a preacher so that is obviously another plus. He has surrounded me in general with people who praise and worship him and I feel as if he still has a plan for me.
To a person on the outside looking in, my life may seem as if it was great all the way through with no troubles, and when it comes to dramatic experiences I've hadnt had much. Though in my mind, as I grew into the man I am today I've had numerous battles to find myself. I've been called "different" too many times to recal in my life and I wonder why it seems like this to people? To me I am just another person trying to live my life..WITH GOD in my corner. And I Believe he's been there. Even when I doubted him. That is just a decimal of the LOVE he has for me (everyone).
People dont know but my number one wish isnt to become a rich person with soo much money i could do anything whenver I wanted...I dont want to have all of the material things..the one thing I want other than anything in & out of this world is to go to heaven. Even when I doubted GOD, as a child hearing of heaven sounded sooo good to me..I believe it sounds good to everyone but it always standed out to me. You know when u wish on something as a child the regular wishes of a 10 year old would be to fly or to get all the toys in the world. Things were slightly different for a kid like me. I wished to go to heaven. Now being the age I am I've matured and came to a conclusion that GOD's existence has been the number question among soo many because he seems to good to be true. Yet he created everymind that questions him, he created the atheist minds, the Satanic minds, AND the Christian minds. Still he loves us all. Believers and all. Heaven has been a place I've always wanted to go. I think about it to this day all the time. To Meet the man who created me. To Meet the man who created the people I love so dearly. My mother, my grandmother, my sister...He created all these people to influence me greatly in my lifetime and I am forever grateful. Think of something you feel as if you cant go without.....KNOW that without him you would've never even gotten close to feeling the pleasure and the love you feel when your around someone you adore. Family,friends, lovers, ect.In Heaven it seems as if all the good feelings, the love you have for people just is open and there every second for everyone.
Seems like a nice place to be...Ill try my hardest to reach my destination.
Her
I have somone special.
I talk to her on a regular basis and "she" comforts me in my times of need,
She is understanding and cares about how I feel towards everything.
She iz NOT perfect.
Infact she is far from such word.
But she is Miines.
Like every STRONG relationship, we disagree.
But NEVER has she been willing to let me go.
& never have I been capable to even really attempt 2 let her go.
That's why she still remains.
Through the adversity now or ahead,
I know "She" will be there to see me on the otherside.
"She" will wait for me.
Such strong feeling I have for her.
I want her to pass onto my children the strength and knowledge her mother passed onto her.
Though I don't kno much,
I want HER to teach my children about GOD and hiz imporatance in our lives.
Teach US together.
I want her to allow US to grow. Together.
"She" knows when I'm angry.
"She" knows exactly what to do.
"She" allows me to please her in ways that no other will ever have the chance to.
"She" appreciates the effort I put fourth to make her happy.
I appreciate HER.
"She" will NEVER let me go.
Even when I tell her I want to leave She KNOWS im coming right back,
I know Im coming right back.
She KNOWS im sarcastic,
She KNOWS I act as if I don't care at times
She knows ALL of my flaws.
Yet she STILL remains.
Everything she desires, I desire MORE to make them attainable.
"She" must have everything.
"She" must smile...
I must make her.....
Yet she iz anonymous.
"She" isn't.
"She" is someone I've secretly created while in search or "HER".
I don't really know if I will even meet her.
But strangley im still keeping my eyes open for her?
I talk to her on a regular basis and "she" comforts me in my times of need,
She is understanding and cares about how I feel towards everything.
She iz NOT perfect.
Infact she is far from such word.
But she is Miines.
Like every STRONG relationship, we disagree.
But NEVER has she been willing to let me go.
& never have I been capable to even really attempt 2 let her go.
That's why she still remains.
Through the adversity now or ahead,
I know "She" will be there to see me on the otherside.
"She" will wait for me.
Such strong feeling I have for her.
I want her to pass onto my children the strength and knowledge her mother passed onto her.
Though I don't kno much,
I want HER to teach my children about GOD and hiz imporatance in our lives.
Teach US together.
I want her to allow US to grow. Together.
"She" knows when I'm angry.
"She" knows exactly what to do.
"She" allows me to please her in ways that no other will ever have the chance to.
"She" appreciates the effort I put fourth to make her happy.
I appreciate HER.
"She" will NEVER let me go.
Even when I tell her I want to leave She KNOWS im coming right back,
I know Im coming right back.
She KNOWS im sarcastic,
She KNOWS I act as if I don't care at times
She knows ALL of my flaws.
Yet she STILL remains.
Everything she desires, I desire MORE to make them attainable.
"She" must have everything.
"She" must smile...
I must make her.....
Yet she iz anonymous.
"She" isn't.
"She" is someone I've secretly created while in search or "HER".
I don't really know if I will even meet her.
But strangley im still keeping my eyes open for her?
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