Scars

I have these scars...

Though these scars dont appear on my outside pysical, they are there.
I can feel them.

I didnt get them from falling.
I didnt get them from fist-fights.
I didnt get them from any accident.

I got them from taking blows from a Love I once had.
Once upon a time I had a love that I beileved to be everlasting.
I truly believed that the person I valued so much and would do anything for would one day carry my name as hers.

I had a special kind of love.

At the time filled with laughter & overflowing with oppurtunity.

Then something changed.

Ultimately it was GOD's will for this change to occur.
But I didnt understand it.

S L O W L Y things started to crumble right infront of my eyes..
At first I was ignorant to the fact that what I was trying to build, was not meant to be built.
I was following A "Blue Print" towards the creation of something that was impossible to create.

& thats when I started to feel them...

I started to feel my body ache,
I started to feel cutz deep inside of me,
I started to feel ugly in the depths of myself.
I started to feel ashamed of my concealed appearance .

I felt like everyone was staring at me when I presented myself in public.
Feeling as if they were able to see my hideous scars that I tried my BEST to hide.

Faced with mixed emotions of ANGER, Bitterness, & FRUSTRATION I tried to live my life with my EGO leading the way,
Only to end up re-exposing my scars once I am ALONE.

Something had to give...

I listen to the wise one's and they tell me to lean on Christ because through him anythings possible,
But I cant help but to ask him did he not see what I had planned for HER?
Did he not see that the hand she possesses is the ONLY one I ever wanted?

Selfishness.

Who am I to raise such ?questions?

So I'm back to square one.

Searching and searching for "Band-Aids" but they keep falling off.
For a while I burn my wounds with ALCOHOL but when it wears off I regain feeling & still they are there.

I just need relief..

I just need confidence..

I now live a life based off my belief that "Prevention is BETTER than a CURE".
Not only have I learned of what more I can do,
But I've learned of the things I need NOT to.

And with that I begin my process.
I no longer feel my scars who'm I've become accustomed to living with,
nor do I feel uncomfortable with how I am perceived.

But most importantly I hold tight to "Never forget what is worth remebering, nor even remember what is BEST forgotten."

Finally, to you and whoever..

I Introduce you to ME.

Proud of what I've been through and the story these scars tell..
For I am ready for the FUTURE.